Paradigm (on Steam) may be the weirdest cast of characters you will come across in a video game. Most of them don’t easily fit into any category whether that be human, machine, or beast. They all have interesting personalities and provide a ton of comedic relief to the storyline.
The dialogue and comedic chemistry between Paradigm and the other characters are absolutely hilarious. There is a dog that drinks pure alcohol and his best friend is a beatboxing eggplant. That is only the beginning of how wacky things get in this game. Below is a full list of all characters.
Paradigm is the main character and the only character that you can control in the game. He is a faulty prodigy child that wants to become a famous electronic music artist. He is being hunted down by DUPA Genetics, the company that created him. Paradigm is a sarcastic, self-loathing mutant who loves to make beatsies on his computer.
Paradigm runs a nuclear plant with his talking computer John 3000. The adventure begins when John 3000 crashes and Paradigm has to find a boot disk to restart the computer. While on his journey, he is chased by Olof the Sloth, who runs DUPA Genetics. Paradigm’s journey takes him all across the region of Krusz in search of a boot disk. He encounters many weird individuals on his adventure and they all seem to have a new task to add to his list before they will help him.
2. Olof The Sloth
Olof The Sloth is the main villain in the game. He is literally a sloth that travels in a hovering chair and wants to kill Paradigm out of jealousy and because he blames Paradigm for the death of Klas, the founder of DUPA Genetics. Olof looked at him like a father, but Klas didn’t care for him and only created Olof for the purpose of being a living vending machine that vomits candy bars. Most of his appearances are cutscenes, but you do interact with him at the end as he is the final boss. Olof’s weakness is that he can’t resist his sloth instincts, which is the key to defeating him.
3. Doug The Beatboxing Eggplant
Doug is Paradigm’s best friend. He is literally a beat-boxing eggplant living in a potted clay pot in front of the nuclear plant. He charges five dollars to beatbox, but it doesn’t seem like he gets any business. Paradigm is also his landlord and Doug spends a lot of time making excuses not to pay, even faking his own death.
Doug can be somewhat disrespectful and aloof, but he is very loyal to Paradigm and helps him along his adventure from beginning to end. He even drives a lowrider with hydraulics. Doug and Paradigm have great chemistry and many funny interactions throughout the game. He is there from the beginning to the very end.
4. The Cone™
The Cone™ is a faulty prodigy child just like Paradigm. According to him, he had a terrible cone mother that couldn’t take care of him due to her lack of limbs. The Cone™ has an imaginary marriage with a mannequin and he talks to himself through her like a ventriloquist.
Paradigm needs the mannequin’s head to assist him in one of his missions, but The Cone™ is very protective of his “wife.” He reveals to Paradigm that his only weakness is flying cones. Paradigm has to figure out how to scare The Cone™ away so he can steal the mannequin’s head and continue his adventure.
5. John 3000
John 3000 is Paradigm’s computer. His personality is a parody of HAL 9000 from Space Odyssey. The main difference is that John 3000 is very unreliable and more concerned with trying to date and hook up with other computers. He has hilarious scenes where they show his perverted interactions with his dates.
John 3000 is also the computer Paradigm uses to make his phat beats or “beatsies,” as he likes to say. They are able to communicate remotely in the same way Ironman does with J.A.R.V.I.S.
They care about each other, but they have their back-and-forth exchanges. John helps Paradigm throughout the entire story.
6. Space Cadet
Space Cadet is a space dust addict and extreme conspiracy theorist. He has the boot disk that Paradigm is looking for to fix his computer. He gives Paradigm the directions to a place to get some space dust in exchange for the disk. His life is a total mess and he literally does not care about anything except for space dust. Make sure you pick up the rocket on the boxes next to the television set as you will need it later in the game.
7. Not A Drug Dealer
Not A Drug Dealer is an extremely paranoid individual. Paradigm has to prove to the drug dealer that he is not a cop by bringing the head of a severed police officer. Once it is proven that you are not a cop, the (not a ) drug dealer invites you inside. He challenges you to a minigame for the chance to win a Super Fun Cool Drug Enthusiast Token. Use the token to buy space dust to give to the Space Cadet. By the way, space dust is not even an illegal drug and is backed by the government. It’s all in his head.
The Super Fun Cool Drug Enthusiast Token that you win from the drug dealer is for a drug vending machine run by an octopus. Octopus says she was taken out of the ocean and forced into unpaid retail work. She is very straightforward and has no filter, but seems to accept things the way that they are. Octopus does not like the drug dealer and gives you a very important tip to beat the game and win the token. Use the token from the drug dealer to buy space dust from the Octopus.
9. Secretary Knight
Secretary Knight works for DUPA Genetics. He gave up his knighthood to be home with his family and also because working as a secretary pays more and has great benefits. Secretary Knight has neutral energy towards Paradigm even though he is a DUPA employee. There is a lance behind his desk that he lets you have that you will use for a task later in the game. There is also a cursed flower on his desk that will shrink anything it touches.
10. Rebel Leader
The rebel leader runs a group called PAGST and is helping Paradigm takedown DUPA Genetics. She has a two-headed telepathic cat on her shoulder that serves as her advisor. She was the first person to reveal to Paradigm that he is a faulty child and that DUPA genetics wants to dissect him to save the world. She sends you on a mission to find all the body parts of a scientist guy she works with. They both help Paradigm reach the dungeon of DUPA genetics to find and defeat Olof The Sloth
11. Glam Metal Messiah
Pug was a famous wrestler in the past that became the messiah of a glam metal cult. Due to the pressure of fame, he destroyed his body with drugs. He was offered the cult leader gig in exchange for a new body, but wasn’t told that he would temporarily have to be in a pug’s body until they figured out the technology. He has a nun that helps him at the church with donations.
Paradigm wants to borrow the Messiah’s necklace to help kill Olof, but the Messiah denies his request because The Sloth is his only source of income. He agrees to a Final Fantasy-style turn-based battle to win the necklace. Make sure you have the laser pointer in your inventory before fighting him.
12. Water Cooler
Olof has Paradigm remotely teleported into an office room with a manic water cooler keeping guard to make sure Paradigm can’t escape. Water Cooler is very unfriendly and will only serve you water in a DUPA mug, which can be found under the sink. Make sure you talk to the refrigerator as well. It has a great freestyle about being a fridge. Defeat the water cooler and escape through the door.
That is your list of characters in Paradigm. You will encounter everyone based on what areas you visit. Most of them you will interact with multiple times, so have fun in this wacky adventure!