The satirical Priest Simulator: Vampire Show has officially been released, having been exorcised from its Early Access state after two years of development. Made by Polish studio Asmodev and published by Ultimate Games S.A., this bizarre indie game takes players on a crazed, grotesque, and utterly unique journey into the chaotic village of San de Ville (a play on the words devil and saint), a fictional rundown Polish church town. As Orlok, a vampire-turned-priest, your mission is to renovate a decrepit church, perform exorcisms, take confessions, and defend your congregation from the forces of Hell—all while wielding a variety of weapons and engaging in some truly absurd side activities.
The developers have added to the final version of the game new quests, flashbacks, mechanics, and an updated ending. The 1.0 version now includes full English voiceovers in addition to the original Polish. Not knowing any Polish, I obviously played using the English version, which the developers themselves describe as “fully unprofessional,” but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Despite feeling like some things were lost in the translation to English, the thick Polish accents of the cast and the quirky writing—not to mention the fact that one man seems to have voiced about a hundred NPCs—imbues this strange concoction of a game with so much character and humor, this all feels much more like a positive than a negative. A black metal score courtesy of the band Gruzja adds to the satanic atmospheric chaos.
The gameplay offers a blend of satisfying combat and simulation mechanics, making it unique among simulator style games for even having combat. Fighting isn’t particularly challenging but manages to feel deeply satisfying, with plenty of enemies to test your growing arsenal of weapons and abilities. In fact, if you ever feel like the battlefield is too quiet, you can simply speed up time to respawn all enemies on the map. This ensures there’s always a chance to experiment with different weapons, abilities, and strategies.
The game’s blueprint and weapon upgrade systems are especially engaging, letting you fine-tune your arsenal to suit your playstyle. Discovering new abilities and weapons adds a layer of excitement, as each new tool opens up fresh ways to approach combat and chaos. Meanwhile, the simulation elements parody traditional mechanics found in similar games. You’ll carry objects, clean up messes, and restore your church—but these actions are far from pointless. Cleaning up earns you renovation points, which you can use to unlock upgrades, making the process feel rewarding rather than like a chore.
Despite the absurdity, much of the game boils down to traveling from point A to point B, triggering cutscenes, and handling the ensuing chaos. The world of San de Ville, however, makes this simple structure work. The map is fun to explore, filled with respawning enemies, quirky characters, and plenty of opportunities to wreak havoc.
Despite the freedom the player has to explore the world and kill demons, the game seems to have a single linear story. There are cutscenes around every corner and your decisions will not matter very much. The tasks could be completed by a five-year-old, not that you’d want to expose a five-year-old to this game. But in the end, this works, because the game is a satire on not just religion, or life in Poland, but on simulator games as a whole.
Players have already embraced the infernal madness, earning the game 96% positive reviews on Steam as of this writing. It’s been described as a “Polish masterpiece” and likened to a “religious reality TV show.” Priest Simulator has humor, profanity, grotesque scenarios, and gameplay that somehow manages to be both satisfying and completely off the rails. Alongside the main release, the Her Ghost DLC introduces an entirely new storyline with additional exorcisms and even more absurd twists.Priest Simulator: Vampire Show stands out in its genre, it being the only game we can think of in this particular realm… It blends black humor, chaotic action, and sandbox-style exploration. If you’re ready to take on shatanists, renovate your pews, and save a strange fictional Polish church town, grab a copy on Steam today.
Overall: 8/10
Story: 10/10
Combat: 8.5/10
Gameplay: 7/10
Polish Accents: 11/10
